This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How external is "for external use only"?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
