she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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