is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize