I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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