she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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