I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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