I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
