she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
