Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
