I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
