So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
