Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
