We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
