definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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