he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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