I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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