I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
