Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
3pm strippers are depressing
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
