Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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