Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
