I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
