I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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