i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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