thus making me awesome and them whores
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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