Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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