It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
