Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
