that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
