i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
