Please, let me fuck your mom
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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