Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize