hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
