dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
