new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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