PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize