p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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