he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
