I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
