best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Randomize
