apparently the secret to your success is patron
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
