I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
