I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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