Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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