I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
