This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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