I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize