He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
