You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize