Can i not drive my cunt home
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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