I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize