Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
