I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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