shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
