maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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