I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize