It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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