hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize