I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
