I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
