i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
where does the pee come out of this thing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
