Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
