We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
