So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
