Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
