New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize