So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
