Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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