I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
