I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
